


A Night In

by taxingtaurus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxingtaurus/pseuds/taxingtaurus
Summary: After a mission, Thor, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, Bucky, Steve, and Tony get drunk at the Avengers Tower.
Relationships: Avengers Team - Relationship, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	A Night In

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a-beautybutafunny-girl](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=a-beautybutafunny-girl).



> My friend and I decided that we were missing the drunk Avengers in our lives, and thus, this work was created. Please enjoy the crack!Avengers fic I never knew I needed.

The crash that sounds from the third floor of the Avengers Tower is the final straw. Pepper has been able to ignore whatever “team bonding” has been happening downstairs for the past two hours, but that’s it. She is beyond tired of having to account for broken windows, furniture, and whichever art pieces Thor’s hammer happens to hit when he calls it from the opposite end of the Tower.

“JARVIS?”

“Yes, Miss Potts?”

“I’m sure I’ll regret asking this…but how concerned should I be by what just broke downstairs?”

“We’re still at a Level One, ma’am.”

“Level One. Okay. So, no shattered windows or broken furniture.” _I can live with that._ “Then what just crashed downstairs?”

“Just a glass bottle, ma’am. It seems Mr. Stark’s authentic Russian vodka is not up to Miss Romanoff’s standards.”

“Of course, it’s not,” she sighs. “Alright, JARVIS. I’ll give them a few more hours and then – Avengers or not – they are going to their rooms and giving me one night of uninterrupted sleep.”

“I wish you luck, Miss Potts.”

***

Downstairs, the sound of drunken superheroes drowns out the noise of the record playing in the background. The record had been a compromise; Bucky had insisted that records were still the prime medium for music, and though Tony had protested at first (more out of his contrary nature than actual protest), he eventually agreed to the record, with the caveat that he could choose the music. But five minutes into the record, music choices are irrelevant. After two hours, no one even remembers that music is playing.

“Tony, эта водка хуже кошачьей мочи _.” (Tony, this vodka is worse than cat piss.)_

“Natasha, enough with the Russian,” Tony nearly whines. “No one understands you.”

“Well,” Bucky interjects shyly, “I do.”

“Same!” Clint yells, though he’s not even five feet from where Tony lays at an awkward angle on the couch.

“Birdbrain! Enough with the yelling!” Tony groans. “Fine. But it’s still three to…uh…damn,” he pauses, suddenly disoriented, “how many people are in my Tower?”

“Нас семеро, идиот. _(There are seven of us, idiot.)_ Oh, and Pepper,” Natasha responds, and Bruce can’t help but notice that Nat’s Russian becomes faster and faster with each shot she takes.

“Well I understood half of that response.”

“Shall we speak of our greatest triumphs in battle?” Thor asks conversationally, happily reveling in the buzz that his Asgardian beer provides.

“Мои величайшие победы дадут тебе кошмары. Когда у вас в желудке четыре пули при попытке соблазнить цель, тогда мы поговорим.” _(My greatest victories will give you nightmares. When you have four bullets in your stomach while trying to seduce a target, then we'll talk.)_

“Romanoff. The Russian!”

“She’s saying that her war stories aren’t fun to hear,” Bucky adds softly.

Steve, in the armchair across from Bucky, first looks confused by his best friend’s understanding of a foreign language, then nods in acknowledgement. He hasn’t been drinking much, but clearly the Asgardian beer has had more of an effect on him than he realized.

“Ooh, a translator!” Tony says gleefully. “Okay Romanoff, Russo away.”

Natasha’s response is quick, clipped and angry in a way that makes Tony immediately laugh.

“So what did she say, bionic man?”

Bucky’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before shaking his head.

“Not all Russian phrases translate to English,” Bruce notes, attempting to help the soldier whose unwillingness to translate whatever the redhead just said is clear.

“This one does!” Clint shouts.

“But Natalia should know that I don’t know half of you well enough to translate that for her.”

“And Cap doesn’t like that kind of talk!” Clint laughs.

“You guys know I grew up in Brooklyn, right?” Steve interjects. “And that I was in the army? I’ve heard every word in the book, believe you me.” Steve takes another swig of the Asgardian liquor and coughs as the alcohol burns its way through his digestive tract.

***

After half an hour, Steve is too intoxicated to pretend at any sort of professionalism.

“Seventy years in ice and I still wake up to fuckin’ Nazis! No more red-faced bastards, sure, but still a shit ton of Nazis.”

Tony’s eyes shoot open in surprise before meeting Bucky’s.

“Alright, metal man, how many drinks has he had, because I think I think I can be friends with this Cap.”

Steve looks unnerved by this revelation, before smiling at the once-familiar sight of a truly drunk Bucky, who stares down at his metal appendage as if he’s never seen it before. He stares, wide-eyed and dizzy, at his arm before slowly detaching and reattaching it from his shoulder, eventually leaving it on the floor and promptly forgetting its existence.

“You okay, Buck?” Steve asks gently.

The Winter Soldier, now just James Buchanan Barnes surrounded by friends and completely wasted, smiles and nods. But when his nodding eventually returns his gaze to the metal arm lying prone on the floor, his face turns again to concern.

“Been there for seventy years, Bucktooth,” Tony sighs.

“идиоты.” ( _Idiots_ ).

“Okay, the six-million-dollar man is clearly out of commission, so we need a new translator.”

Clint jumps from his seat, raising his hand and shouting, “Hell yeah, tag me in!”

Nat smiles wickedly from her seat.

“Tasha,” Clint warns.

“Why does she not translate for herself?” Thor asks.

“’Cause she’s a mean drunk,” Clint laughs, and Nat’s grin turns to distain instantly. She shouts something in Russian, but Clint is too busy laughing to translate.

Bruce winces. “That may not have been your best idea, Clint.”

“Yeah, but is anything I do really the _best_ idea?”

The answer is a unanimous no, from everyone but Natasha, whose response in Russian is the fastest she’s given yet.

“Tash, you’re just making up words now I think,” He chuckles, before he realizes that his “mean drunk” comment has actually upset her. His laughter trails off.

It’s imperceptible to the untrained eye, but Clint knows Tasha, maybe even better than she knows herself. Under her playful pout is tiny flicker in her eyes; there one instant and gone in the next. The unfeeling, robotic, angry Russian reputation may be helpful within S.H.I.E.L.D., but Clint knows that she often worries that her reputation is all she is; that she really is just a cold assassin who even her friends fear.

“I’m sorry, Tash,” he whispers, leaving his armchair to sit next to Natasha on the loveseat. “Don’t be mad. You know I didn’t mean it.”

Clint throws a soft arm around her shoulder when she doesn’t respond, hiding her hurt under complete indifference, but she eventually relents, allowing herself to gently lean against him.

Trying to give the two assassins their privacy, Bruce speaks up.

“Well, hopefully I won’t have to ‘Hulk-out’ to avoid a hangover tomorrow.”

“The Hulk cannot be drunk?” Thor asks curiously.

“I don’t think so. I mean, I guess he hasn’t tried the Asgardian stuff, but no. I don’t think so.”

“Interesting,” Tony whispers, lips ticked up in a mischievous smile, eyes narrowed. “Very interesting.”

**Author's Note:**

> Additional credit goes to my friend A-beautybutafunny-girl for the text chain that helped create the story line.   
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


End file.
